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The following teaching
scenarios are designed for use in groups and classes of all kinds.
Although they are phrased in terms of what to do if you have "a
friend" in a given situation, the scenarios are designed to educate
everyone, including people who work with victims in a professional
capacity, such as victim advocates; teachers, law enforcement,
clergy, health workers, and counselors.
The best way to use
these scenarios is to break up a larger group into smaller groups
of three or four people each. Give each group a copy of the scenario
(without the answers, of course), and then give the groups enough
time to discuss each situation and come up with a plan of action.
This approach accomplishes an additional educational goal of getting
people to talk with each other seriously and in detail about violence
against women - something that is still very difficult for most
people in our culture. Small groups also tend to generate well-thought-out
responses. In fact, don't be surprised if you get some action
plans and answers that are better than the ones we've provided
here.
And one word of
warning! Remember, these are fictional examples. Real situations
are complex and require full consideration of individual circumstances.
Remember too, that in a real situation you shouldn't take a given
action until you're sure it's something the victim wants you to
do.
1.
A friend comes to you extremely agitated and says her husband
beat her last night. She says she doesn't know what to do. You
can see she's very panicky. Everything you suggest just seems
to provoke more anxiety and fears. When you try to respond to
one aspect of the problem, your friend interrupts frantically
and jumps to another. What can you do to help?
FACT: No matter
how good your advice, it simply won't be of much help to give
that advice to someone who is overwhelmed with panic or anxiety.
The suggestions and thoughts you put out won't get through to
her, and it's not very likely she'll remember them later. Assuming
there's no imminent danger, a panicky victim of trauma must first
be calmed before any kind of problem solving can be effective.
WHAT TO DO:
a. Tell your friend
firmly you want her to stop for a minute. Ask her to try to
listen to you for just a minute without interrupting. When you
have her focused attention, tell her it's perfectly natural
for her to feel panicky and afraid given what she's been through.
Reassure her that you're going to help, but first the two of
you need to slow everything down.
b. Set the stage.
Get your friend seated and physically comfortable. Get her a
drink of water or tea. Get a notebook so you and she can write
things down you want to remember. Ask her to tell you what happened.
As much as possible, ask questions in a logical order. Then
try to evaluate and prioritize her most urgent needs, putting
aside those things that can be solved later.
c. Recent victims
of crime and trauma usually have to be calmed down repeatedly,
because the very powerful emotions overcome them in waves. When
that happens, stop the problem-solving conversation, suggest
taking a minute or two out, talk soothingly to your friend,
then ask her if she feels ready to work on the problems again.
2.
You find your teenage daughter crying and sobbing inconsolably
in her bedroom. When you finally get your daughter to talk, she
tells you that she was raped the night before by her boyfriend.
But when you suggest calling the police or a rape crisis center,
your daughter adamantly refuses, and says she doesn't want to
talk to anyone. How do you help your daughter?
FACT: This is
a very common and difficult situation. On the one hand, because
rape is a crime that robs a person of their self determination
at the most intimate level, the last thing you want to do is force
that person to do something else against their will; especially
something like trying to make them talk about the rape when they
don't want to talk about it. At the same time, a teenage girl
is still a child, and as with all youngsters in crisis, it's often
necessary for adults to step in and take charge for the sake of
the youngster's safety and welfare.
WHAT TO DO:
a. Acknowledge this
dilemma in words to your daughter. Tell her that you want very
much to respect her wishes as to how to handle the rape, but
at the same time, as her mother (or father), you need to make
sure she is safe and cared for. Throughout the time you're dealing
with your daughter's rape, repeat this concern for her often
and in different ways.
b. Instead of trying
to probe and push your daughter for the details of the rape,
explore with her whom she would feel most comfortable talking
to. Suggest the possibility of talking to someone anonymously
over the phone. Ask her what she feels she most needs, and try
to fulfill those needs, even if she says she wants to be left
alone for a while. Then come back in and talk with her some
more.
Talk with her about
her fears and any threats that were made. Offer to get the information
necessary to calm her fears or to protect her from the object
of her fears. For example, if your daughter fears going to the
police because she thinks her name will be in the paper, offer
to call the local police department and find out for your daughter
exactly what the department's policies are regarding release
of rape victims' names.
c. The parental decisions
you make about when and if to take actions against your daughter's
wishes are likely to be difficult, and may bring on strong reactions
from your daughter. Try to keep her as much involved in the
decisions as possible. For example, if you decide to call the
police even though she doesn't want you to, give her as much
control over the situation as possible, such as having her choose
who she would like to accompany her to police, or having her
decide whether you go to the station or call the police to your
home.
3.
You notice that a young woman with a baby in your neighborhood
seems alone, isolated, and depressed. She seems afraid to get
into conversations, as if she fears getting punished. You suspect
she's being abused. What can you do?
FACT: Isolated
young mothers with small children are at the highest risk for
domestic violence.
WHAT TO DO:
a. At a safe time,
invent a pretext to talk with her; ask to borrow something,
ask for a ride to the store, or offer a ride, invite her to
go to a garage sale, etc.
b. In a calm moment,
tell her directly you've been worried about her because she
seems so isolated and afraid. Ask her if she is OK. Tell her
you are willing to help her find help, or to make phone calls
for her to get information, if she wishes. Tell her that even
if she doesn't want or need anything right now, that she should
feel free to ask anytime. Try to stay in contact with her.
4.
Your friend comes to you and tells you her husband was arrested
last night for domestic violence. She says she doesn't know what's
going to happen next, what exactly he was arrested for, whether
or not she has to do anything like testify or get a restraining
order, and she doesn't know how to find all this out either. How
can you help your friend?
FACT: It's extremely
important that victims of violent crime be informed and stay informed
about the criminal case. The information itself greatly reduces
a victim's anxiety. Staying informed is also the first step in
guarding against any mishandling of the case.
WHAT TO DO:
a. Get your friend
a notebook. Then help her — and show her — how to
get the information.
b. Start by calling
the county jail. Almost all county jails provide current suspect
information 24 hours a day. At any time of day or night, you
can call the county jail and find out the charges he was booked
on, the amount of bail, the arresting agency, the crime report
number, the next court date, court time, and place.
c. Some other ways
to get additional information are: read over any paperwork the
responding officers left with your friend, call and talk to
an on-duty sergeant at the arresting police department, or call
the arresting officer. Call a victim advocate, too. As the case
progresses, add the district attorney's office to your list
of sources of information.
5.
You've been helping your friend ever since she was raped by a
coworker. Today she tells you she just called the detective because
she hadn't heard from him in four weeks. She says the detective
told her he was very sorry but the case is a "he said, she said"
situation and they won't be able to prosecute. The detective also
said he had interviewed the suspect and the suspect seemed like
a nice guy. Your friend is devastated. She feels there is a lot
of evidence pointing to the rapist's guilt. What can you do for
your friend?
FACT: Although
police handling of rape cases is improving, it is still generally
inexcusably poor. Way too many police remain ignorant about how
to handle and investigate rape cases, and way too many just plain
don't like rape cases, so they try to get rid of these cases,
often by letting the case run dormant and cold. But there are
many unique investigative techniques that make acquaintance rape
cases often very simple to solve, such as pretext phone calls,
close examination of the suspect's pre-rape behavior, of the victim's
post-rape behavior, her post-rape conversations with others, and
much more.
WHAT TO DO:
a. Tell your friend
it's nowhere near time to lose hope. Tell her it sounds to you
as if this detective is just trying to dump the case. The fact
that the detective didn't call her for four weeks is suspicious
to begin with. So is the fact that he referred to the case as
a "he said, she said," which is true of virtually all crimes.
After all, the suspect usually says the opposite of the victim
no matter what the crime. That the detective didn't send the
case to the District Attorney's office to make the final decision
on prosecution is also suspicious. And perhaps most alarming
of all is the detective's cruel statement to the victim that
the suspect "seemed like a nice guy." That's the kind of statement
that reveals a detective's attitude toward rape cases, and by
itself is a strong indication the detective is dumping the case.
b. Tell your friend
there are a number of things you and she can do to get the case
handled properly. The two of you can arrange a meeting with
the head of the sex crimes unit. Or you can write a letter outlining
your concerns, what the detective said, and give your reasons
why you think the case can be solved. You can send the letter
to the chief of police and a copy to the mayor. Or you can call
a victim advocate and ask her to help you be heard, or you can
call a trusted police officer in another department and ask
him or her for advice.
c. If your friend
is nervous about doing these things, remind her that she has
every right to a full and competent investigation of the rape.
It's just that sometimes women have to fight very hard for justice.
6.
You've been helping your friend get out of a violent marriage.
She got the police to arrest him, she testified against him, she
got a restraining order and she got custody of the children. And
even with all this going on, she got a new job, too. Your friend
has been doing very well, indeed, putting together a new life
for herself and her kids.
But today your friend
calls you in tears and desperation. She just got a legal notice
of cause from the landlord to evict her from her apartment. The
notice says police have been called to the household too many
times, and because there's a `no crime on the premises' policy,
the landlord has taken the first legal step to evict. What can
you do to help her?
FACT: This situation
is all too common and very unjust. Most landlords just don't care
whether she was the victim or the perpetrator of the crime. Theoretically,
this kind of eviction of domestic violence victims should be considered
discrimination against women under the housing civil rights codes.
But case law to date doesn't support that view. Nonetheless, there
are a couple of things you can try that may save her housing.
WHAT TO DO:
a. Have your friend
gather her rental agreement, the legal notice that came in the
mail, and a notebook. Find out as much as you can about her
legal rights and options. Start by calling your regional office
of Fair Housing and other housing agencies. Even if your friend
doesn't have a legal right to stay in the apartment, there are
usually a number of steps she can take to delay the eviction
process a number of months.
b. Make a direct
appeal to the landlord. But first appeal to the most professional
people your friend knows - perhaps a teacher, her minister,
her health care worker, a professional neighbor, or her boss.
Ask them to help by signing a letter to the landlord or by meeting
with the landlord. Ask them to explain to the landlord how hard
your friend has fought to get the violence out of the apartment,
and the many ways in which she is stabilizing her life. Suggest
to the landlord that your friend has proved she won't tolerate
violence, and that she is exactly the kind of tenant he should
want to keep.
c. If all else fails,
plead with the landlord for sufficient time for your friend
to look around and find an appropriate new home.
7.
Your friend is very upset about the abusive behavior she received
from police when she went to report being beaten by her ex-husband.
And she's also upset because she doesn't think the officer took
her situation seriously because he didn't take any notes. When
you suggest going to a sergeant or a captain to protest the abusive
officer, and to ask that the report be better handled, your friend
seems more frightened than ever and says she doesn't want the
police to be hostile with her too.
FACT: Remember
that one of the deepest injuries of rape and domestic violence,
is that the victim's right to self-determination has been violently
taken over by another. When you're trying to help an adult victim
of rape or domestic violence, one of the most important guidelines
is to respect at all times the victim's right to control her own
course of action, even when you feel strongly that another course
of action is better.
WHAT TO DO:
a. Before trying
to tell your friend why you think it would be better to go to
a sergeant or captain to complain and get the report redone,
tell your friend very clearly that you're going to respect her
decision 100 percent about how to handle the situation. Tell
her you're never going to intervene against her will. Then ask
her if you can explain why you think your suggestion is good
for her safety.
b. If your friend
still thinks this idea isn't right for her, try suggesting some
other possibilities, like having her write up a statement of
the things she thinks the officer should have written down,
taking that statement to the police department, and telling
the person at the desk that you want to enter the statement
into the crime report if one was written, or suggesting she
get a restraining order. Tell her without something on the record,
you're very worried for her safety.
c. If your friend
still doesn't want to do any of these things, don't push her.
Remind her that you're going to respect her decision. Tell her
that you're still going to be there for her any time she wants
help. Very often, even though it doesn't seem so to you, other
people know what timing and action is best for themselves. Remember
too, that just by having laid out options to your friend, you
have helped her immensely by having opened her field of possibilities.
8.
A coworker friend of yours is being sexually harassed by another
coworker at the company where you all work. It all started when
your friend said she didn't want to go out on a date with the
guy. At first, he started sending her sexy cards and flowers even
when your friend told the man she wanted it to stop. Then he began
following your friend out to the parking lot after work. She just
kept repeating to him that she didn't want to date him, and kept
asking him to please leave her alone. But he just kept getting
more persistent. Now your friend comes to you shaking. She shows
you a note that was left on her windshield that says, "You will
die, bitch." She wants to know what she can say to him to just
make him leave her alone. What can you do now to help your friend?
FACT: It is
true that this is a case of sexual harassment in the workplace,
which is a violation of your friend's civil rights. And as such,
the company is required under civil rights law to make sure the
harassment of your friend is stopped. But if you look closely
at most cases of workplace and school sexual harassment, you'll
often see that the harasser's actions are also criminal. Stalkers
are very dangerous. They rarely stop unless they are made to stop
by authorities, and they should be reported to the police.
WHAT TO DO:
a. Tell your friend
you are very worried for her safety. Tell her she should stop
talking or responding to him in any way, that even her negative
response to him will make things worse. Tell her you will accompany
her to report to the police and to the company.
b. Before going to
report to the police and to the company, make photocopies of
the threatening note and of the cards. Make at least one set
of copies for your friend to keep and one for the company. Police
will want the originals. Also before going to report, have your
friend jot down as many of the incidents as possible and have
her bring those notes with her when she goes to report so that
she can give as thorough a report as possible. Once at the police
station or in a manager's office nervousness often causes people
to forget important aspects of the situation.
c. Help your friend
get a restraining order against the perpetrator so that all
future attempts at contact by the perpetrator will be criminal
acts for which he can be arrested.
9.
Your friend tells you that she received a subpoena in the mail
to testify against the man who raped her. She says she's really
afraid to go forward with the case because she lied to the detective
that interviewed her. She told the detective she wasn't using
drugs when she was raped. She tells you she was afraid that if
she told the detective she was using drugs, they wouldn't pursue
the case, or that they would arrest her, or not believe her about
the rape. But the truth is she was using cocaine with the man
who raped her. Your friend doesn't want to lie about this anymore,
but she's still afraid if she tells the truth now the case will
be ruined. What advise can you give your friend?
FACT: Though
it is extremely unusual for women to lie about a rape or domestic
assault, it sometimes happens that a victim withholds key information,
or lies about, peripheral aspects of the case at early police
interviews. Victims may do this because they fear that police
won't believe them, won't pursue the case, or will arrest them.
In general, however, if the victim of a serious crime (such as
rape or domestic violence) was herself in violation of a lesser
crime (such as using drugs or violating her probation), police
will pursue the more serious crime and ignore the victim's lesser
offense. In addition, a good prosecutor can explain this kind
of victim behavior to the court, and can explain the reason for
the lie. And they can usually keep it from damaging the prosecution
case.
WHAT TO DO:
a. Tell your friend
that victims sometimes withhold or lie about information surrounding
a rape for the reasons given above. But now it's important that
she go to the detective or the prosecutor on the case and tell
the truth. Tell her this kind of lie rarely derails the possibility
of prosecution.
b. If at all possible,
try to arrange an in-person meeting with the detective or prosecutor
to convey this information. And try to make sure that when she
goes to this meeting that you or another good friend will accompany
her.
10.
Your friend calls you to tell you that she called 911 last night
because her husband was threatening to kill her. She said her
husband even showed her the gun he was going to use, and then
he showed her the bullet. Her husband pushed the bullet hard against
her forehead and said, "It's going right through there." Your
friend says that the police officer that came to the house didn't
speak very good Spanish, and since you're friend doesn't speak
any English, she doesn't think the officer understood most of
what she was saying. She says her husband just kept telling the
police, "She's crazy, she's crazy," and it seemed like the officer
believed him. Your friend says the officer didn't arrest the man
or take his gun out of the house. How can you help your friend?
FACT: 1. Threats
to kill are a crime, and they should be taken very seriously,
especially when the threat contains specific details about how
it will be carried out. The police officer in this case should
have arrested the man, or at the very least the officer should
have given your friend an emergency protective order, removed
the man from the house, removed the guns from the house, and written
a criminal report against the man for making terrorist threats.
2. It is most crucial
in domestic violence, rape, and child abuse cases that all interviews
with non-English speaking victims be done by fully bilingual officers
or by professional translators. Most all police departments have
24 hour access by telephone to banks of professional interpreters.
There's no excuse for officers' not using these services to assure
full and accurate victim statements.
WHAT TO DO:
a. Remind your friend
that she has a Constitutional right to equal protection of the
law, even though she doesn't speak English, and even though
she may not be in the country with proper documents. Go down
to the police station with your friend. Tell the front desk
the story of what happened with your friend the night before.
Tell them you are concerned that the officer didn't understand
the seriousness of the situation because of language problems.
Tell them you want either a fully bilingual officer or a professional
translator to talk with your friend so that police will have
an accurate victim statement. And so that the case can get handled
properly, including having the guns and the perpetrator removed
from the home.
b. Also, have your
friend write out a full statement of what happened. Naturally
she should write it in Spanish. Make two or three photocopies
of that statement. Have your friend keep at least one copy for
herself. Give the original to the police. Ask the police to
enter that statement into the criminal case file. Your friend
should also get a domestic violence restraining order against
her husband. And if the husband isn't in custody, your friend
should stay in a shelter or other safe place.
c. Suggest to your
friend that she file a formal complaint against the officer
for failing to treat her case competently and seriously.
11.
For a couple of years now you've tried to convince your friend
to get out of a violent relationship and sometimes it seems like
she tries. You notice that things have gotten much more serious
over the last month. You've seen a lot more bruises. She's told
you he's been playing with his guns and making threats to hunt
her down if she tries to leave. She says that the last couple
days he's been constantly waking her up in the middle of the night
to rant and order her around, and during the day he won't leave
the house. Today she calls you and says that last night things
were so bad she tried to leave. But he grabbed her before she
could get out the door, threw her in their room and raped her
brutally. He said he would never let her go, and threatened that
if she dared call the police he was going to kill her for sure.
There are moments in the conversation when your friend sounds
terrorized, but mostly she seems paralyzed by numbness, despair,
and exhaustion. Suddenly she says "He's here", and hangs up. How
can you help your friend?
FACT: Though
you should always respect a victim's decisions about how to handle
her own situation, there are exceptions. In this case there are
a number of things indicating a very high risk of imminent danger
- the escalating violence around her attempts to leave, the repeated
threats to kill, the gun play, the middle of the night rants and
daytime unwillingness to leave, the sexual violence, and your
friend's terror and exhaustion - all these together suggest a
very high potential for homicide. Every once in a while there
comes a situation like this where you may well decide you just
have to reach in and save a life.
WHAT TO DO:
a. It's difficult
to decide when to reach in and take drastic action. But once
you make that decision, be sure you follow through. Once you
decide to take action, it's then often just as difficult to
decide which action to take. Again, once you decide, follow
through fully. Here are a couple things you might do in this
case.
b. You could consider
calling your friend back in ten minutes. If you can get her
on the phone, tell her you are concerned enough for her safety,
you're going to call the police. Tell her that when the police
arrive she should tell them everything she told you.
c. You could call
the police with or without having talked with your friend. Ask
to speak to a sergeant. Don't vacillate and don't minimize the
situation. Tell the sergeant you are concerned for your friend's
immediate safety and tell the sergeant why. Don't get off the
phone with the officer until you are certain he or she understands
the urgency. Tell the officer whether or not your friend knows
you are calling. Ask them what action they will to take.
d. Another possible
course of action in this case would be to call other significant
people in the couple's life. Communicate your sense of urgency
and tell them the reasons why. Tell them you want to get together
with them right away and together decide on a course of action.
Perhaps together you can come up with a plan you can suggest
to police, such as a way to lure him out of the house so police
can get to her safely.
12.
Your friend asked you to accompany her to courthouse for her interview
with the prosecutor and then to be with her when she testifies
against her rapist. At the District Attorney's office, the prosecutor
motions for your friend to come into his office. You get up to
join them and the prosecutor stops you and says he wants to talk
to your friend alone. Your friend tells the prosecutor it's OK,
that she wants you to be with her. The prosecutor says you can't
be in the meeting because that would make you a witness in the
case. Your friend looks distressed. She wants you to be with her.
What can you do?
FACT: Too many
prosecutors and police try to isolate victims from their support
person during interviews and meetings. These prosecutors and police
may say that the victim's friend can't be present because being
present would make her a witness, or because the victim needs
to be asked personal questions, or they may give any number of
other reasons why the victim has to be alone in the interview.
They are wrong. It's extremely rare that there would be any legitimate
reason why the victim would have to be interviewed alone. The
real reason some police and prosecutors isolate victims in interviews
is so they can maintain control of the victim and the case. Sometimes
they want to convince the victim the case is weak so the victim
will go away, or they may want to pressure the victim into going
along on a giveaway plea bargain, or they may want to use coercive
interviewing techniques.
Because so many police
and prosecutors have used isolating of victims for abusive reasons,
California passed a law that gives sexual assault victims the
right to have at least two persons of their choosing in interviews
with police and prosecutors (California Penal Code Section 679.04).
Although this California law doesn't cover you if you live in
another state, the existence of this law does show that the reasons
given by officials to keep victims isolated from their support
person during interviews are bogus.
WHAT TO DO:
a. The best way to
handle this all too common situation of police and prosecutors
attempting to isolate victims from their support persons is
to plan your strategy ahead of time. Before going with your
friend to an interview or meeting with officials, tell her what
might likely happen. Tell her you think it's important for you
to be with her in the interview in order to minimize any attempts
by the officials to play games with her case. If she agrees
that she really wants you present at the interview, tell her
she may have to state this firmly and clearly to the official.
In fact, she may have to get right down to telling the official
that she won't do the interview unless you, her friend, can
be present.
Some police, prosecutors,
and other criminal justice officials can be very bullying and
intimidating at times like this. It's very hard to stand up
to them when they start throwing their weight around and telling
you things you're not quite sure are true or untrue. And though
many officials are caring and professional, you just never know
when you're going to encounter an abusive one. So be prepared
with a plan and stick together. Remember, your friend's safety
and access to justice depend more than anything else, on a good
criminal justice response.
b. If the officer
still won't do the interview with you present, your friend should
tell the officer that she wants to cooperate and do the interview,
but she first wants to talk to an advocate or another official.
c. If at any point
your friend feels like she doesn't want to struggle the point
further, it's important that you abide by your friend's decision.
If she does do the interview by herself, it may very well be
that just by having made the officer aware that the two of you
are willing to put up a fight, that will be enough to discourage
the officer from further abusiveness.
d. Whether or not
you are present in the interview, a couple other points of advice
will help prevent abuse by officials during interviews and meetings.
- Always take a
notebook with you and from time to time take notes.
- If the official
asks you to make a decision during the interview, whenever
possible tell the official you want to talk it over with a
friend first and then get back to them. The victim should
try never to make decisions on the spot.
- The victim should
also talk over the events of an interview afterward with someone
who cares about her, and she should write down lingering questions,
concerns, and events that weren't fully understood.
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